So last night I tried a new BMF Venue. Excitingly, the BBC were there to watch me do it…

It’s 5.40pm, and dark, ominous clouds are rolling across the sky. I’m standing at Clapham Common tube station, waiting. After spending the last 20 minutes warding off coin cravers with pennies from my pocket, I’m getting a bit concerned. Then, across the street, a wave and a shout. Brilliant, the TV crew are finally here.

To rewind a bit, BBC Click is the BBC’s flagship show for electronic devices and tech geekery. It’s a bit like The Gadget Show, only without the elaborate competitions. They’d heard about the British Military Fitness app, and wanted to film a class and try out the app. I agreed to sort it out for them, ‘cos I’m nice like that.

We’re walking down to Clapham Common now, and LJ, the presenter is getting a bit nervous. She’s dressed in camouflage, which will later transpire to be US Military affiliated. That impressed the ex-British Military instructors no end, I can tell you. I assure her that it’ll all be well, despite her training regime to this point consisting of eating Jaffa Cakes and drinking milky tea. We arrive at the park and the crew are impressed at the scale – there must be easily 75 people warming up here at least. To be honest, I am too – it makes Peckham Rye look a bit lame in comparison.

David, my boss is here, looking suave in a suit*. The crew set up and interview him, while some BMF‘ers practice in the background. Or at least they do until we actually start the tape rolling, at which point they conveniently all bugger off into the distance. With the help of Neil, the park manager, we manage to wrangle them back into shot. Despite the constant planes overhead, David knocks it out of the park. He then spends the next 10 minutes yelling “Join BMF!” at passing joggers.

After a quick retreat to the pub between sessions, it’s time for my close-up. And by close-up, I mean ’shot from really quite some distance away’. Yes, my role in this film is going to be ‘fat sweaty man in a grey vest in the background’. As we start, those ominous grey clouds decide to open (yeah, check out that earlier foreshadowing right there) and the rains begin to flood the Clapham plains. LJ joins in with the class, mugging furiously between exercises, and the crew follow our exploits while hiding under a slightly broken camera. After a typically punishing resistance exercise, I seize the opportunity to high five LJ (while making certain the camera is pointing in the right direction of course). A star is born. Or at least, a relentless self-publicist.

The class has gone well and we’re now covered in wet, muck and triumph. Decamping to the pub, the crew look a grumpy mess. One downs tequila shots to try and warm up. Brilliant. Everyone seemed to have fun, and hopefully the piece will turn out well. It should be broadcast on the 19th June, and you should be able to see it on the iPlayer after then if you’re interested in seeing me run up and down a field in an extremely unflattering manner.

*He told me to write that.